….students nowadays, they like to scribble useless stuff on their books...– mom, on her students who are too lazy to learn but can’t even spell.
What time it is? It’s bacon time!!– dad’s reaction while watching a documentary about domestic pet pigs from piglet to adult
Mom says your car smells like cigarette…. Next time don’t ask your...– Good, non-accusing dad.
You’re meeting the parents tomorrow. So why are you going on a date...– Dad, when I told him I’m going out to see bf the night before the big meet-off.
Perbualan di meja makan
Abah: Tapak tangan ni gatal betullah.
Mak: Ha, kata orang tua gatal tapak tangan ni....hihihi!
Abah: Tak de lah, meja makan ni ha awak tak lap, kotor...
So he proposed….was it a wanted proposal or unwanted one? Cuz if it was...– Dad, talking about a proposal like preparing for a war
So my boyfriend proposed to me...
Me: (he proposed) and he wants to meet the parents...
Mom: Somebody proposed to you?
Bro: You guys, you should be, like, happy or something!
Dad: Hahaha. Oh yeah, we're happy.
Mom: Yeah, yeah, that's good, yeah.
Tell me how to Zalora.– mom
You got chocs from a guy? He’s trying to flirt with you– mom, duh.
Do you need to pay to open this facebook account?– mom, who thinks like the accountant she is.
GPS. There's only one in my house.
The rule in my house is that, if two person is in need of the GPS on the same date, one of them will be grounded by the other. And that would be me.
Rock? Rock? Why rock, it’s sinful!– Mom, when lil bro asked permission to go to a rock concert.
Singing voice comes from the chest. The bigger the chest, the better the voice....– Mom. Darn that’s why i can’t sing, i’m airplane-flat…
I bet there’s no A in my class…what do you expect? I teach the last...– Mom, when asked of her prediction over her students’ PMR result out today.
Grandma FTW! (and what happened in Aunt Yam's?)
Mom: You know what, my daughter here, last week she went to Sitiawan; the other week it was Ipoh...
Grandma: Heck, big deal, yo're like that when you're young. Remember Aunt Yam's house.....
Grandma knows her teen singers!
Mom: What song is this teen singing?
Grandma: It's "Kosong, Kosong"
Uncle: How about that...even your grandma is hip than your mom!
The TV is showing a talkshow discussing about internet addiction. And mom said to me, “hah, that’s you!”
Oh you bought a perfume? good, wear it, attract men, and maybe you’ll...– Mom, she’s serious
Next time the white people complain about how we do our Eidul Adha slaughter,...– Mom
Hey guys! On TV! Flying squirrel!– Dad. (actually he was saying “hey guys, on TV Justin Beiber” but I couldn’t hear it from the shower)
Apa menggoda-menggoda ni, awal lagi ni….ish! Anak kita depan tu la…– Dad to mom
Sikit-sikit makan. Sikit-sikit makan. Perut tak boleh tahan. Puasa dulu boleh...– Dad, when we keep eating things in the car during the 12-hour roadtrip.
Dad and uncle talking about my bro.
Uncle: does he know how to make cookies?
Dad: well, he knows how to make cookies disappear...
Thank God your mama’s dad aint home, or he’d beat me up real good...– Dad, about his 1st meet-the-inlaws session, which is also the proposal session
Your dad. awesome.
snoipahkat: its my brother’s 18th birthday in a few hours and my dad just grabbed him by the shoulders and said “listen son. tomorrow, you can be legally tried as an adult for first-degree murder, so if you need to kill anybody, go do it now” “yes dad. i shall.”
Dad's fav food is the starfruit chutney.
Dad: bring me that chutney container over there.
Sis 1: I think it has gone bad, dad...
Dad: bring it here.
*sis hands over the chutney, dad opens the lid. Everyone sees the white fungi*
Sis 2: it's gone bad, dad!
Dad: *mulls over the chutney, thinks for a while* if we scoop off the non-fungi part....
Everyone: NOOO DAD DOOON'T!
Don’t need to be suspicious. It’s not like he’s gonna turn our...– Dad, when mom complained that my sister got only a six-month contract as an assistant.
MILO 4 IN 1
So I was preparing a 3-in-1 Milo drink.
Dad: (whispers to mom) honey, make me Milo 4 in 1.
Sis: what the heck is a Milo 4 in 1? Milo, sugar, and milk...what's the 4th one?
(timid voice) “hello, yes, your number has called me just now, is there...– Mom, when recieved a miscall from an unknown number and called back. It was grandma.
Song blaring from my brother's room in the...
Mom: what the heck is that?
Sis: it's music.
Me: Dubstep, actually
What, no meatballs? Why the heck did you order me herbivorian food. I’m...– dad, when we ordered something off the vegetarian menu for him
Paris has one Eiffel tower. Pfft…China has three!– My bro, and he’s serious. Do google that up.
They’re trying to curb racism? Why, those Eastern European whiteys are the...– Dad, on anti-racism campaigns in Euro 2012.
This is just a text copypasted from dailymail, for my future reference. How to repair the toxic legacy of a bad mother Like it or not, our relationship with our mother will have a lifelong influence on our personality, behaviour and self-esteem. If we’re lucky, that legacy will be an overwhelmingly positive one. But what happens when you are raised by a ‘difficult’ mother? It’s the subject...
Happy Birthday Dad!
So last night I went on a shopping hunt to buy dad’s birthday present. I wanted a jersey since his favorite team #RedWarrior just won the cup few weeks back. So I stopped by this shop that sells affordable Umbro jerseys. Me: This jersey….what size do you have? Shopkeeper: We have S, M, XL. What’s his size? Me: I’m…I don’t know…not sure…. Just...
So I bought a GPS....
…and dad picked it up from my bag to take a look. He saw that I set our house as a favorite, and got a little upset. “What are you doing, setting our home as “Home”? Do you know if you lose this GPS, somebody will pick this up, know were you live, and follow you home?” “But dad, we need the home point, to calculate the route, in case I got lost...
You bragged to everyone that you get knocked up, then you got upset they started...– Mom, on a certain actress who threaten to sue bad-mouthers